Cold hands, warm shart.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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