Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i dont even know how to be here
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
