you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
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I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
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Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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