There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
