to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
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where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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