We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
