he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
