If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
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Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
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He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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