Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
