I wannas sexs uuuuu
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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