Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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