my shit smells like andre
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I have aggressive nipples.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
