I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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