My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
