Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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