So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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