hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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