it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
