I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
