I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
