If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
