im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
