Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
