I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
