I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
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About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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