That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
