so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
