handjob tips. give me some.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
two words: eviction party
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
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