i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
