It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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