His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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