some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
