Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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