what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
