he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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