Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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