i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
