I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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