I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
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I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
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I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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