I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
