he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
