Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
