he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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