I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
