So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
We got so high we made milksteak
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
