I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
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i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
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he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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