dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
