The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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