what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize