Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
