we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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