Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
