So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
