It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize