I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I want her autograph on my taint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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