he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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