What did we do last night that was yellow?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
