Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
