Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
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how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.