The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
We have so much sex to catch up on
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"