I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me