you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.