I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.