He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
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gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
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Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?