If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
