i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser