My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
