I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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