planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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