I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
